Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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