I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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