Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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