literally had 100 drinks last night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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