Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
