I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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