my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
