Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
