I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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