Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
