thus making me awesome and them whores
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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