Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
