After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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