you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
