What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
