I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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