I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
