After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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