Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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