wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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