he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
