Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
