return my video game
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
