when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
