the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
