Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize