Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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