Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
