I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
soo... how was my night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
