In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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