i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
