Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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