So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
