i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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