I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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