Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
