Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
True but thats because hes a fetus.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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