i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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