Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
