Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
