Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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