You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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