To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
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When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize