Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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