yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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