you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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