thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
