You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
