You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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