dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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