Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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