You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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