in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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