I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
