yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
