I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ketchup is God's man juice
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
