Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
