I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honey bunches of taint.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
