i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
