opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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