I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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