Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
