last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
