We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
