I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
