i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
